The 10 Paradoxes of Being Single!

Where to start?! Having been single for a good part of the past 9 years, it’s fair to say I have a decent understanding of single life. Some people choose to be single, others don’t. Lots of people ask you why you’re single and what you’re doing about it. Some people judge you unfairly and some wish they were 30 years younger so that they would be in with a chance! There are upsides to being you can pretty much do what you want, when you want. For example, Christmas can be spent with whom you choose; you get to sprawl in a bed all to yourself; you don’t have someone else to answer to and you get to eat your own dessert, all to yourself. However there are also a host of downsides to being single. You get to go to weddings solo. There is no one to look after you when you’re sick. If you’re cold and forgot your jacket, too bad. There is no one to hug you just because and no close shoulder to cry upon! But despite this exorbitant list of pros and cons that could go on forever, let’s delve into the paradoxes... According to others, this is the advice often offered to single people:-

1. There are plenty of fish in the sea (yeah right...where are all the single ones?!) 2. You need to try dating online (if you have tried this you know how it can make you even more depressed about being single) 3. Make sure you “look” available (but you don’t want to look desperate) 4. Just get on with your life and they will turn up (but don’t be too busy that you miss them altogether) 5. Declare to the universe that you’re ready and manifest your perfect partner (but don’t let on to a potential mate that you’re too spiritual aka woo woo and scare them off) 6. Do the work on yourself to love yourself first, because no one can love you if you don’t! (The more layers you peel back the more you realise that we are here on earth to experience intimate, loving relationships) 7. Join a new group or club/find a new interest (and it seems everyone else in the group is in a relationship or bats for the other team)

8. They will turn up when you’re least expecting it (except when you’re looking at everyone who doesn’t exhibit psychopathic signs, thinking they could be your future husband/wife) 9. You don’t need anyone, you’ll be happier flying solo (really?! Refer to point 6 and know that you become so self sufficient that no partner stays around as they feel they have nothing to offer you because you are financially stable, with a house and a secure job. You can change a light bulb, take out your own rubbish and move heavy objects) 10. You just haven’t looked in the right place yet (well I have been on blind dates, internet dated, joined clubs, speed dated...and don’t live under a rock so what’s left?!) Now I don’t want to leave you thinking that being single is all can fart (pass wind) and no one notices. J You can put something down and find it just where you left it and your life revolves around yourself, but at the end of the day we all crave love and want to be loved. No amount of self-love will make up for what you have the potential to feel with an intimate other.

So next time you feel you have the perfect advice to offer your single friend, maybe take a slightly more supportive and empathetic approach. After all, the more loved and understood we feel, the more loving we become and who knows...we might just attract the right one that we have been looking for (but not looking too overtly for of course!!). For me at the moment, it is about letting go of the swipe right, doing the work on myself and trusting that my Mr Right will come into my life at exactly the right time!

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